Emily Lazar began sending her son, Nate, to Schechter this fall as a second grade student

Every year, Schechter enrolls a large kindergarten cohort. For school year 2012-2013, Schechter welcomed 23 new students in grades 1-8: a large increase in the number of students entering after kindergarten. To learn more about the experience of one of its newest families, Schechter interviewed Emily Lazar whose son, Nate, entered second grade as a new student this fall.

Schechter: What were your considerations in looking for a new school?

Lazar: We are blessed to live in a region with so many great choices in Jewish day school education, each one with its own strengths. Nate and I were moving, and so we focused on schools closer to our new home. We were able to look at a number of really good options. Of course, my major concern was whether the school would be a good match for Nate, one which met his learning style and personality.

Schechter: Why did you look at Schechter?

Lazar: We had friends who had children at Schechter, and they were all really happy. We had also heard that the school provided structure, academics and a sense of pride in being Jewish. These are important elements for Nate. What we got was so much more.

Schechter: What was the admission process like?

Lazar: The initial phone call with Carol (Carol Rumpler is Schechter’s director of admission) quickly put me at ease. Her warmth and openness made us feel so welcome. Carol was and continued to be so accessible. She was able to provide me perspective as a representative of the school, but also as a parent. There was no pretense; Carol made it a point to get to know Nate and what we were looking for so that she could be most helpful.

Carol immediately connected us with a parent who had boys at Schechter who I could ask questions and get more information about the class Nate would be entering. Because Carol knows the parents and the children so well, I feel as though she chose a parent she knew that I would relate to.

Schechter: Once Nate was enrolled, what were your impressions of the school?

Lazar: One of the first things that I noticed about Schechter was not only the communication between the school and parents, but also between the teachers and parents.

Schechter: Are you finding the school to be a good match?

Lazar: So far, absolutely. We feel that he is truly understood. The teachers are available, for me and for him. We feel very fortunate to have a teaching team that has worked so well for Nate. Put simply, they get him. They understand his style. They listen to what he says he needs and are flexible so that he can get the most out of his learning.

Schechter: How was the transition into Hebrew language?

Lazar: I was worried Nate would be behind in Hebrew, but whether he was or not, it just was not an issue. From day one, the teachers worked with him to get him to where he needs to be. The teachers work incredibly hard to both plan and implement their lessons.

Schechter: Do you have any other observations?

I am impressed with the level of professionalism in the school. The teachers look and act like professional educators. They take pride in what they teach and how they teach. The make their academic and behavioral expectations clear to Nate. With these clear standards, he is thriving and is able to exhibit his independence and work to his strengths.

Schechter: What does all of this mean for Nate?

Lazar: There is structure to his learning, and he knows the he is in the right place. He feels secure and welcomed. These past few months have been so rich — academically, socially and emotionally.

Schechter: Anything else you would like to share?

Lazar: I feel that Schechter is investing in Nate as a student and as a member of a community just as much as I am investing in him as his parent.

This experience has been positive and affirming. I recognize that there will be bumps in the road as in life, but this has been the smoothest transition we could have asked for. From chaos and disorganization to a solid foundation where the learning and growing has begun.

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Beginning in the 2013-2014 school year, Schechter is proud to introduce its new Madregot Program for new students in grades 1-8. The word madregot is Hebrew for “steps” and also refers to levels of spiritual attainment in Jewish tradition. The program is designed to support students and ensure a smooth and successful transition to Schechter, regardless of their Hebrew language and Judaic Studies backgrounds. The Madregot Program was developed as a new initiative following the completion of the strategic plan, Reaching Higher!, adopted by Schechter’s board of trustees last spring.

“It is our hope that through the Madregot Program we will be able to help even more parents provide a Schechter education for their children,” said Carol Rumpler, Director of Admission. “The level of support varies in each grade level. Most notably, in grades 6-8 Madregot students will follow a customized Hebrew language and Judaic Studies track alongside the traditional General Studies program.”

There is a one-time $1,800 Hebrew language and Judaic Studies support and tutoring fee for students entering grades 2-8 with a family cap of $3,600. Parents who would like more information about applying to kindergarten or the Madregot Program should contact Carol Rumpler at 617-630-4608 or carol.rumpler@ssdsboston.org.

This article was printed in The Jewish Advocate January 18, 2013

Cultivating Gratitude

by Arnold Zar-Kessler, Head of School

Our Institutional Advancement Office recently ran a wonderful event, Erev Nedevim, graciously hosted by Schechter parents Andy and Rabbi Suzanne Offit. As I stepped away to prepare some remarks, I noticed an interesting book on a table in their library, The Psychology of Gratitude. Leafing through it a bit, my interest was piqued enough to follow-up, and – as you might have guessed – there is, indeed, a growing field of study on the psychology of gratitude, and heretofore left to theologians and moral philosophers.

In the preface to the book, Robert Solomon claims that “psychologists are relative latecomers to study of gratitude…Unlike anger, fear and disgust, gratitude does not seem to qualify as a basic emotion.” Psychologists explain that feelings of gratitude are elicited when one is willing to recognize that they have “been the beneficiary of someone’s kindness.” The cornerstone of gratitude, however, is “undeserved merit,” recognizing that that we did nothing to deserve the gift or benefit; it was freely bestowed. This core feature is reflected in one definition of gratitude as “the willingness to recognize the unearned increments of value in one’s experience.” (Bertocci and Millard, 1963).

The increased attention to gratitude is one of the outcomes of the Positive Psychology movement, to which I’ve referred previously. Positive Psychology is the scientific study of the strengths and virtues that enable individuals and communities to thrive. The field is founded on the belief that people want to lead meaningful and fulfilling lives, to cultivate what is best within themselves, and to enhance their experiences of love, work, and play. Positive Psychology has three central concerns: positive emotions, positive individual traits, and positive institutions. In this light, gratitude is both a positive emotion and individual trait that enables communities and individuals to thrive.

Many of the contributors to The Psychology of Gratitude argue that being capable of expressing gratitude is not only a virtue, but part and parcel of the good life. It is not just an acknowledgement of debt and expression of humility, but it is also a way to improve one’s life.

I concur with many of the contributors to the book (Hebrew College professor Sol Shimmel amongst them), that a structure that cultivates gratitude helps shape a propensity towards recognizing one’s “undeserved merit,” and expressing it as well. At its core, that is a key goal of religious education.

As it turns out, it seems that the rest of the world is catching up to the transformative power of being thankful. Witness the entries on the newest shelf of the self-help section of your local bookstore, Thanks!, How the New Science of Gratitude can Make You Happier (Emmons, 2007); Gratitude Power for Runners and Walkers (Mahoney, 2011); Even Happier, a Gratitude Journal for Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment (Ben Shahar, 2009); Living in Gratitude, A Journey that Will Change Your Life (Arrien, 2011); and the list continues.

I write that they are “catching up” because there is a book we use  here at Schechter that leads us through daily journeys of gratitude. In the preliminary prayers for the morning service, we note the challenge of just being a mortal being:

“What is our life? What is our strength? What is our goodness? Even the deeds of great people are like nothing.”

“But we are blessed to have tradition, to be part of a people with a covenant.”

“Therefore, we are obliged to thank you, God; how fortunate are we to be able to recite twice daily the Sh’ma.”

It is this construct that our tradition provides, as well as its logical extensions: to recite a hundred blessings a day, to recite blessings when we eat, when we smell different fragrances, when we see a rainbow, or lightening, the ocean, a scholar, or a friend who has recovered from a serious illness – all of these are acts of cultivation of a sense of appreciation. A school that gives children gifts that will last them a lifetime effectively cultivates a deep sense of gratitude, as well.

Another book recommendation for this season is Enjoy Every Sandwich, Living Each Day as if it were Your Last by Lee Lipsenthal. In his introduction to the book, Dr. Dean Ornish writes, “Making every act sacred is what helps us more fully enjoy life… When I was a teenager, I thought ’sacred’ meant ‘boring’… Now I understand sacred is just another way of describing that which is most special.”

Perhaps this week, when you’re sitting around the table with your children, you’ll open up a conversation about what is special in everyone’s life, what constitutes an “undeserved merit” in their lives, and how we express gratitude for the gifts bestowed upon us. The school and parents partner when parents, for example, make sure that their children complete their written homework. That comes with the tuition of any good independent school. But hearing your children share their own understanding of what they are thankful for? Priceless.

by Rabbi Scott Slarskey, Grade 6 Torah She’b'al Peh, Upper School Religious Leader

Every time a guest presents at our Friday morning Grades 6-8 minyan – delivering a three- to four-minute Ani Ma’amin statement of personal belief – I remind myself to be patient. I very much enjoy hearing parents, faculty, community leaders, alumni and eighth-grade students speak about the values core to their life choices. But our students have reminded me again and again that the most important transformative moments happen shortly after the conclusion of the speaker’s formal remarks. During the five to seven minutes immediately following the presentation, students – and occasionally faculty – ask the presenter questions about his or her core personal belief.

“Why is it important to do the right thing, even when you know nobody sees you and nobody will find out?”

“What would happen to the State of Israel if every Jew in the world moved there all of a sudden?”

“Why should a person pray if they don’t feel inspired?”

These exemplary questions are paraphrased from actual questions students have asked visitors at our Friday morning Grade 6-8 minyan. This forum for deep questioning fosters students’ critical engagement and identification with, as well as deep understanding of, the formative beliefs of another person.

Excellent questions beget excellent questions. Both peers and faculty unfailingly, and often unconsciously, model the art of asking sensitive, probing, essential questions. Contemporary educational research and theory advocate essential questions as the foundation of excellent educational practice. Internationally known educator and author Grant Wiggins characterizes an essential question as “a question that any thoughtful and intellectually-alive person ponders and should keep pondering.”

In the world around us, we can see how questions weave a web of relationships between people and The Holy Blessed One, hone our understanding of challenging concepts and have the power to significantly alter the public discourse. Please join us for a Friday morning Ani Ma’amin to discover how you will be transformed by the questions of our next generation of Jewish leaders.

by Varda Ben-Meir, Grades 7 & 8 Head Advisor, Grades 4-8 Head of Judaic Studies

At the beginning of the year, the theme of the year was announced: Respect. What is respect?

The dictionary gives the following definitions: admiration given by others; moral sentiments. It is synonymous with honor, appreciation, esteem, recognition.

Respect means recognizing that all people are entitled to basic human dignity. All human beings deserve respect as a basic part of their existence. Confucius said: “Respect yourself and others will respect you.”

Our sense of self-respect begins at birth and continues throughout our lives. It is a learned condition. As babies, we learn to respect our parents, who provide us with our needs. If we are treated with love and esteem, then there is a good chance our self respect will be great and we will succeed in life.

The best way to teach respect is to show respect. When a child experiences respect, he/she knows how it feels and begins to understand its importance. A respectful child takes care of belongings and responsibilities and gets along with peers.

Schools teach children about respect, but parents have the most influence on how respectful children become. Until children show respect at home, it’s unlikely they will show it anywhere else.

What and how do we, at Schechter, teach our students respect? In language arts classes, the students deal with the concept when it is relevant to the story. In fourth grade, they have a box named “Respect.” Slowly, the students uncover the meaning/inner message of the box. In fifth grade, the set of class rules, which include respect one another and respect one another’s property, is in front of the class and glued to the students’ homework folder. The students are daily reminded about and talked to about respect.

In Judaic studies, it is part of the curriculum. During Tanakh classes, one can find many opportunities to teach respect for others and for property. Our seventh graders learn about respecting teachers and students in Toshba. In Hebrew classes, students learn and practice respectful behavior: working with a classmate you are not so friendly with; listening to another student’s presentation; welcoming new students to the grade. In Havurah, seventh graders watch a DVD and discuss bullying. Respect for the school property is a theme that repeats itself throughout the years, and the concept of Derekh Eretz has become part of all of us.

The yearly theme gives us a common language and opportunity to emphasize a behavior we would like to foster in our students.

We start this year with the promise of a bright new beginning, school being the place where we all get to begin anew each September. After weeks of preparation, teachers welcomed students who arrived with fresh notebooks, warm laughter and high hopes. Our faculty and staff returned refreshed and invigorated after a summer of reflection, reading and study. With a strong commitment to professional development, teachers participated in summer courses in the teaching of writing, science, math and Tanakh. They worked collaboratively to develop curriculum in social studies, language arts, tefillot and Hebrew. With much enthusiasm, we welcomed Dr. Mindy Pincus as the new leader of the Lower School, many new students, and an infusion of talented new teachers.

Our buildings sparkle as beacons of optimism, high expectations and strong community. The Upper School has been renovated to reflect our mission of academic excellence, and the excitement of our students and parents was palpable as they entered the building. Our new and enlarged library now includes a fully equipped computer lab and the best technology available. Every room has been repainted and re-carpeted, and new student lockers have been installed. At the Lower School, we are in the process of equipping the math technology lab, and on both campuses, monitors have been installed in the entry halls to showcase student activities and scheduled events.

What do we do with such promise, such hope, so many dreams of success? How do we articulate our vision to our students in ways they can understand and act upon? First, we talk with children explicitly about our expectations for their academic work and for their positive contribution to community. We will be meeting with all students in the opening days of school, talking with them directly about both our expectations and the ways they can count on us to support them.

This year, our focus will be on treating all members of our community with respect, underscoring the idea of B’tzelem elokim, we are all created in God’s image. In keeping with treating everyone with respect, our expectations around bullying and teasing have been made much more explicit, in terms of both defining and addressing bullying behavior.

Our goal for the new school year reflects the message of Rosh Hashanah: bringing our best selves to the New Year. We offer forgiveness, shed animosity and hurts, and resolve to treat one another in a respectful way. For adults, this means not rushing to judgment when things go wrong, but rather having patience and being open to looking at different points of view. For children, this means learning to live and work with all members of the Schechter community. Our community will grow stronger as we support one another: stronger in learning, stronger in friendship and stronger in spiritual growth.

L’Shanah Tovah u’Metukah

By Barbara Shea, Associate Head for Program and Instruction

Today has been just a glorious, glorious day. The sky is clear, the temperature has been perfect, and the warmth and excitement of the children and adults have been palpable all day long at Schechter.

We’ve had great opening assemblies in both the Lower and Upper Schools. Dr. Mindy Pincus, our new Lower School principal, did a wonderful job of introducing herself, and Rabbi Bardack and Cantor Gaston led a spirited and truly spiritual tefillot for our youngest children in the Shaller Campus MPR, with teachers huddled close to their students.

In the Upper School, Barbara Shea, associate head of school for program and instruction, did a remarkable rendition of that old Aretha Franklin song, Respect, to introduce this year’s theme on campus. She and Rabbi Scott Slarskey, after sounding the shofar, explained some of the ways we will live out that value in the school this year.

Walking around the school was thrilling. The Upper School sparkles. The new library is remarkable, as are the new music, computer, expanded art and conference room spaces. The kids are busy with new lockers installed last week. The most frequently commented-on improvement? Fiberglass backboards in the gym!

With all the excitement, two comments stand out for me today:

Barbara Shea told the Middle Division students (Grades 6-8) she was thrilled to be back because every school year has the promise of the new, and each child – indeed, every person in the room – has the opportunity to create a year that will be the best ever. Then she asked the students to raise their hands if they believed this was going to be their best year ever at the school. And, indeed, they all did.

That moment seemed to have a “still small moment” partner in the second grade earlier today. I dropped by Nancy Werner’s classroom and found her leaning over a desk where a boy seemed a bit anxious about some of the very first instructions and assignments of the school year. Mrs. Werner bent down to be at the boy’s level, and in her soft, tender way, told the boy, “Ohhh, I’ll help. I’m glad to help. That’s the thing I like to do most in the world – help children. And that’s what I’ll do for you. OK?” The boy looked up, met her eyes and said, a bit sheepishly, “Uh-huh, sure.”

And so, a new school year begins, with excitement, fanfare, renovation and renewal, and always at its core, the adults who like nothing better than helping children, who quickly become their partners in the ever-new process of growth and nurture.

I hope you will mark your calendars for two important upcoming events:

• a coffee reception to welcome Dr. Mindy Pincus on Monday, September 13 at 8 a.m.
• our Tours & Toasts program on Sunday, October 3, opent to the entire Schechter community.

Best wishes for a Shanah Tovah – sweet new year.

Over Passover break, one of the most prominent – and disturbing – news stories was about a series of “bullying” incidents at a Massachusetts high school that led to a suicide, criminal indictments against students at the school, and investigations, accusations and recriminations against school administration, faculty and parents alike. It is a chilling story for anyone who works with or cares for children. The South Hadley High School story is a horror story for all of us. In this column, I will discuss the implications of the incident and our position and program on the issue.

I placed the word bullying in quotation marks above because the term itself has morphed in its usage over the past few years. There has been a traditional image of a bully. Often this was a beefy, coarse young man who wasn’t afraid to openly physically intimidate and threaten others – usually smaller boys – to extort compensation and/or playground loyalty. While there certainly continue to be instances of this traditional bullying, a new term and challenge has come into view in recent years – relational aggression.

Relational aggression, also known as covert aggression or covert bullying, is a type of aggression in which harm is caused through damage to relationships or social status within a group, rather than through physical violence. Relational aggression is more common and more studied among girls than boys. The South Hadley incident, while having certain aspects of overt aggression, was launched as a stealth campaign, one in which the fingerprints of the perpetrators are hard to trace: an angry sidelong glance, posting on a social media website, bumping in the halls.

The fact that the new bullying is harder to detect makes it more difficult to confront and defuse. There is a good deal of literature on the topic, as well as a growing body of evidence and scholarship, and even a recently enacted (and first-in-the-nation) law of the Commonwealth. Here are a few links for more information:

(A site devoted to helping parents and teachers) -  http://www.teachersandfamilies.com/open/parent/ra2.cfm

(Massachusetts law) http://www.lawlib.state.ma.us/subject/about/bullying.html

(and from Ken Rigby, an expert in the field)  – http://www.kenrigby.net/

There are some important points for Schechter parents to know about our school, our children and our responsibilities. No one, no family, no community is immune to this problem. I wonder if the slow-in-the-uptake response in South Hadley (a lovely community) was the result of a “that couldn’t happen here” attitude.

We all love our children, but sometimes even the ones we had always considered “perfect children” do things that surprise and disappoint us. Adults are wise to be alert, to listen for comments and indicators, and to have the courage to ask questions, even if their children are dismissive. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard parents say, “Oh, my children would never do that!” Usually they are correct, but not always. If we recognize that just as kindness is human, so is cruelty, then we’ll recognize our children’s human capacity in this arena.

At Schechter, we are very aggressive about this stuff. Organized, formal programming was developed last year with the participation of every Lower School faculty member and led by Nancy Werner and Paula Rosen. Social adjustment groups in the Upper School are coordinated by Anita Redner and Rachel Katz. Open Circle techniques help children deal with issues in the classroom and out.  This Friday, for example, Barbara Shea will speak to the entire Middle School on the topic at one of our regular town meetings.

The school takes swift, deliberate disciplinary action in such matters – whether incidents take place during the school day or beyond it. Bullying is the opposite of derekh eretz, and we mobilize our program, professional development and disciplinary systems to help children grow in their menschlikeit. We continue to learn effective responses when these goals are not met.

Our school’s mission is the very antithesis of expressions of cruelty between children. The rules of derekh eretz are posted in every classroom. We speak of the love one Jew should feel for another. We talk about the social responsibility each of us has for everyone in the world. We foster community in our classes and in grade-level cohorts. We bring our classes back as alumni groupings. Of course we take pride in our math scores, but it is the decency between children that is the school’s signature goal.

Further, we have the support of a wonderful parent community who cares about these issues. Thus, the input through conversations and thoughtful letters from folks like Jeff Mittleman, Heather Zacker and Mark Rosenzweig, to name a few, are enormously valuable. It is through this partnered work to raise our children to be menschen that we have our greatest reasons for hope.

While we are saddened by the pain and suffering in the South Hadley community, perhaps we can draw a lesson from it: to remain vigilant, to redouble our efforts and to stay connected. We can pray that our efforts will support healthy relationships between our children.

Probably at no point in the school year is the partnership between Jewish homes and Jewish schools as evident as it is  around Passover. In part, that is due to the skill-and-content-building role schools assume. During the past days and weeks, the children (depending on their ages) have been learning how to recite the four questions, the elements of the seder, various Passover songs and how one readies a house for the holiday.

But the preparation for the Passover holiday goes far deeper than that; it is not localized to the sederim that will take place in homes around our community next week. The central idea and mitzvah of the seder is that each person would see himself/herself as personally liberated through his/her connection to God and to a sacred community k’eelu hu. That preparation starts from the moment a child walks through our doors.

I love the way Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, Chief Rabbi of Great Britain, put it in a speech a few months ago to the House of Lords. (I am indebted to a parent, Paul Greenberg, for sending it along.)

“If there is one insight above all others to be gained from Jewish history, it is that freedom depends on education. To defend a country you need an army, but to defend a civilization you need schools. Abraham was chosen, says the Bible, so that he would teach his children to practice righteousness and justice. Moses commanded, in what has become the most famous of our prayers, ‘You shall teach these things diligently to your children.’

“In ancient times the Egyptians built pyramids, the Greeks built temples, the Romans built amphitheatres. Jews built schools. And because of that, alone among ancient civilizations, Judaism survived. I wonder whether even now we value teachers sufficiently highly, for they are the guardians of our liberty. Schools teach us theories and facts. They help us answer the question, what do I know? Schools teach us skills. They help us answer the question, what can I do?

“But they also teach us the story of our nation, what freedom is and how it was fought for, and what battles those who came before us had to fight. They help us to answer the questions: who am I, of what story or stories I am a part, and, how then shall I live? They teach us about keeping faith with the past while honouring our obligations to the future. At best, they teach us collective responsibility for the common good.”

Next Monday night, each of us as adults has an opportunity and, indeed, a responsibility to attend to that sacred task of continuing the sacred chain, passing our story and our tradition down from generation to generation. I like to think that within each of our homes, the fate of the Jewish people rests. And it is through the efforts of places like our school that we help our families meet the challenge and flourish.

Best wishes for a Hag Pesach kasher v’sameach.