by Arnold Zar-Kessler, Head of School

Indeed, I can recall growing up with much more frequent speculation of “the promise of what tomorrow holds.” There’s plenty of evidence beyond my (untrustworthy) memory. Whether its Disney’s Tomorrowland,” popular “future studies” courses at high schools and colleges or the rich literary history, from H.G. Wells, to Isaac Asimov, the future was a hotter topic than it is now (save an outlier, like the currently best-selling novel, Cloud Atlas). Further, the future was imagined as something full of wonder, with all sorts of new things that would make our lives better and more interesting. Recent visions of the future in the popular mind all seem replete with dysfunction, from Mad Max movies, to Children of Men and so on. In sum, in the past, the future used to be more hopeful. Or maybe it was that we were more hopeful about the future.

Recently I had a chance to test out some of these assessments at a marvelous exhibit, Designing Tomorrow, devoted to the world’s fairs of the 1930s, at the Museum of the City of New York. During the Great Depression, just when the future seemed so bleak, nearly 100 million Americans (when the total U.S. population was around 130 million) visited World’s Fairs in Chicago, San Diego, Dallas, Cleveland, San Francisco and New York. These fairs took the nation by storm, firing the imagination of countless ordinary Americans, including those who saw the world’s fair newsreels in local movie houses (the New York World’s Fair alone generated 236 newsreels that reached an estimated 220 million people), read stories about the world’s fairs in local newspapers, participated in world’s fair contests and reveled in live radio broadcasts from the expositions. These Depression-era world’s fairs became cultural icons for the nation’s hopes and future.

All of these fairs embodied a vision of the future, and that vision excited the public. From the despair of the Depression, visitors could see a new, modern age, in which things would be different. Indeed, those differences became predictors of what the second half of the 20th century (and the start of the 21st century – would bring. Having the unique perspective of growing up almost in the shadow of these fairs, it’s possible to look at what we thought the future might hold, and to what degree these visions of the future have been realized, or not. In large part, the predictions made at these fairs (and in our imaginations of the decades that followed) were largely correct.

Some of these predictions have, indeed, already occurred. The “kitchens of tomorrow” featured at the fairs have reduced the time we spend washing dishes (something magical in the 1930s). Air travel is common, and we’ve sent a man to the moon. While the specifics of personal computers weren’t envisioned, the idea of the ubiquity of computers has come to pass.

Some of the ideas featured in the world’s fairs and beyond are still likely on their way to becoming realities. Most notably, the idea of a driver-less car has been around for decades, and only now is seriously being considered for test marketing.

Finally, some of that which was imagined 80 years ago simply hasn’t happened. In particular, we are not working less, we don’t find ourselves more relaxed and leisure time doesn’t feel nearly as leisurely 21st century life was characterized way back then. The idea was that machines would relieve of us drudgery, and as a result, we’d have less work to do. There was even concern that we’d get bored with so much time on our hands.

From the exhibit, the literature on the fairs and my recollection of mid-century America and beyond, there is at least one aspect of contemporary life that simply wasn’t anticipated: big data. The idea that there would be mountains of information available and devices to “mine” that data for applications in marketing, health care and even baseball statistics, and that this innovation would change the everyday lives of people, was beyond anyone’s imagination. Electric dishwashers were supposed to be the disruptive innovation, but the idea that CVS would know far more about me than I could ever imagine, or that my genetic code could be analyzed and compared to huge populations of Ashkenazi Jews, or that “behavioral health” would influence the way the hardware store clerk chooses his diet all were more science fiction than Buck Rogers (he was sort of a Luke Skywalker, or a Ninjago).

It’s big data that now moves retailers, health insurance companies and baseball managers. Big data that was last year’s “word(s) of the year,” big data that has every restaurant bill include a survey aiming for a good “net promoter score,” and finally, that has inspired a new generation of quants who are revolutionizing the business world, from finance to economics, from the family farm to Swiss banking. Just as the rapid change in technology demands that schools reflect and reconsider what they teach and how they teach, big data does as well, although perhaps in some other unanticipated ways. In my next column, I’ll reflect on how the presence and the possibility of mountains of data might influence our curriculum before tackling the implication of one specific area in the social sciences influenced by big data with big implications for schools.

We always live in someone else’s future. As the fans of the Baltimore Ravens might say, that’s why they play the game, because it’s never quite the future they imagined – as romantic or dystopic as those imagining it may be. The task of those who care for children is to understand the place of those visions of the future as they work to prepare for what comes next, as incompletely predictable as we know it will be.

Cultivating Gratitude

by Arnold Zar-Kessler, Head of School

Our Institutional Advancement Office recently ran a wonderful event, Erev Nedevim, graciously hosted by Schechter parents Andy and Rabbi Suzanne Offit. As I stepped away to prepare some remarks, I noticed an interesting book on a table in their library, The Psychology of Gratitude. Leafing through it a bit, my interest was piqued enough to follow-up, and – as you might have guessed – there is, indeed, a growing field of study on the psychology of gratitude, and heretofore left to theologians and moral philosophers.

In the preface to the book, Robert Solomon claims that “psychologists are relative latecomers to study of gratitude…Unlike anger, fear and disgust, gratitude does not seem to qualify as a basic emotion.” Psychologists explain that feelings of gratitude are elicited when one is willing to recognize that they have “been the beneficiary of someone’s kindness.” The cornerstone of gratitude, however, is “undeserved merit,” recognizing that that we did nothing to deserve the gift or benefit; it was freely bestowed. This core feature is reflected in one definition of gratitude as “the willingness to recognize the unearned increments of value in one’s experience.” (Bertocci and Millard, 1963).

The increased attention to gratitude is one of the outcomes of the Positive Psychology movement, to which I’ve referred previously. Positive Psychology is the scientific study of the strengths and virtues that enable individuals and communities to thrive. The field is founded on the belief that people want to lead meaningful and fulfilling lives, to cultivate what is best within themselves, and to enhance their experiences of love, work, and play. Positive Psychology has three central concerns: positive emotions, positive individual traits, and positive institutions. In this light, gratitude is both a positive emotion and individual trait that enables communities and individuals to thrive.

Many of the contributors to The Psychology of Gratitude argue that being capable of expressing gratitude is not only a virtue, but part and parcel of the good life. It is not just an acknowledgement of debt and expression of humility, but it is also a way to improve one’s life.

I concur with many of the contributors to the book (Hebrew College professor Sol Shimmel amongst them), that a structure that cultivates gratitude helps shape a propensity towards recognizing one’s “undeserved merit,” and expressing it as well. At its core, that is a key goal of religious education.

As it turns out, it seems that the rest of the world is catching up to the transformative power of being thankful. Witness the entries on the newest shelf of the self-help section of your local bookstore, Thanks!, How the New Science of Gratitude can Make You Happier (Emmons, 2007); Gratitude Power for Runners and Walkers (Mahoney, 2011); Even Happier, a Gratitude Journal for Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment (Ben Shahar, 2009); Living in Gratitude, A Journey that Will Change Your Life (Arrien, 2011); and the list continues.

I write that they are “catching up” because there is a book we use  here at Schechter that leads us through daily journeys of gratitude. In the preliminary prayers for the morning service, we note the challenge of just being a mortal being:

“What is our life? What is our strength? What is our goodness? Even the deeds of great people are like nothing.”

“But we are blessed to have tradition, to be part of a people with a covenant.”

“Therefore, we are obliged to thank you, God; how fortunate are we to be able to recite twice daily the Sh’ma.”

It is this construct that our tradition provides, as well as its logical extensions: to recite a hundred blessings a day, to recite blessings when we eat, when we smell different fragrances, when we see a rainbow, or lightening, the ocean, a scholar, or a friend who has recovered from a serious illness – all of these are acts of cultivation of a sense of appreciation. A school that gives children gifts that will last them a lifetime effectively cultivates a deep sense of gratitude, as well.

Another book recommendation for this season is Enjoy Every Sandwich, Living Each Day as if it were Your Last by Lee Lipsenthal. In his introduction to the book, Dr. Dean Ornish writes, “Making every act sacred is what helps us more fully enjoy life… When I was a teenager, I thought ’sacred’ meant ‘boring’… Now I understand sacred is just another way of describing that which is most special.”

Perhaps this week, when you’re sitting around the table with your children, you’ll open up a conversation about what is special in everyone’s life, what constitutes an “undeserved merit” in their lives, and how we express gratitude for the gifts bestowed upon us. The school and parents partner when parents, for example, make sure that their children complete their written homework. That comes with the tuition of any good independent school. But hearing your children share their own understanding of what they are thankful for? Priceless.

In a recent Talmud class, our teacher, Rabbi Benjamin Samuels, made a reference to a field of study new to me – the art of memory or Ars Memorativa (Latin). This general term designates a loosely associated group of mnemonic principles and techniques used to organize memory impressions, improve recall and assist in the combination and invention of ideas. It is sometimes referred to as mnemotechnics. It is an art in the Aristotelian sense – a method or set of prescriptions that adds order and discipline to the pragmatic, natural activities of human beings. It has existed as a recognized group of principles and techniques since as early as the middle of the first millennium B.C.E. and was usually associated with training in rhetoric or logic. But variants of the art were employed in other contexts, particularly religious and magical.

The Art of Memory is also the title of a 1966 non-fiction book by British historian Frances A. Yates. The book follows the history of mnemonic systems from the classical period of Simonides of Ceos in ancient Greece to the Renaissance era of Giordano Bruno, ending with Gottfried Leibniz and the early emergence of the scientific method in the 17th century.

In our Talmud class, Rabbi Samuels explained that in the period before the advent of publishing, even in its crudest forms, there were very few books. People committed to memory what needed to be remembered, saved or passed down. Thus, gaining skill in memory was valued, and the art of memory developed and was honed over centuries. As books became more available, the compelling reason to strengthen memory faded. Much of what was needed could be found by going to a library or checking an encyclopedia or the volumes at home or in the office.

Thus, development of the art of memory began to fade by the 18th century. A fictional account, Alfred Hitchcock’s famous 1935 movie, The 39 Steps, opens with a demonstration of the superlative powers of recall of Mr. Memory, a man with a photographic memory, at a London music hall theatre when shots are fired. This demonstration of memory probably hearkens back to a time when memory mattered, and feats of memory inspired.

But does memory matter today, and will it matter going forward? If the decline of the art of memory can be traced to the growth and flourishing of the printed word and thus the capacity to store knowledge outside of one’s self or a human brain, then it seems inevitable that this decline can only be accelerated with the growth of electronic memory systems that can store vast amounts of knowledge, easily available with only the most modest of techniques for locating that data.

For example, parts of this blog were taken directly from Wikipedia; the author really didn’t have to know or remember very much to compose it. This may all be well and good for short essays like this, but is the recession of memory really an attractive prospect? If adults (and by extension, the next generation of adults) really needn’t remember anything (except their passwords, or where their passwords are stored), then isn’t something – beyond simply the art of memory – lost?

Are we just showing our age and lack of a contemporary approach when we get gratification from remembering the words to a poem long ago taught and committed to memory? Or the rules for the proper use of a flag, required to graduate from elementary school? Or the complete lineup of the 1959 Chicago White Sox in the World Series? What should children be asked to remember? Only approaches to accessing information? Or vague first principles?

I suggest that our lives are enriched by what we remember, and – more to the point – that we do remember. With that understanding, memory is an aspect, a function, perhaps even a craft, if not an art form, that can be nurtured and cultivated. If our vision of an educated person stands as our guide, then schools should not abandon the goal of developing memory – both deep and specific – in their work with children.

When the art of memory is lost, it may well be that the beauty and power of remembering might be lost, as well. The task of educators is to understand what endures and thus to envision what might endure for children in our care. To that point, we should labor so that memory itself is not a lost art.

Sometimes school leaders have the strangest experiences, as if they’ve awoken to a dream.

Take this year, with the first days of school still so very fresh in our minds. This is my 18th year in a leadership role at SSDS, 11th as Head of School. There’s all the usual, wonderful energy and excitement that accompanies the start of the school year. Children scrubbed, tanned and anticipatory; teachers all organized, ready, expectant; and parents with all of these characteristics and an occasional whiff of melancholy as they see their now bigger children off to their next adventure, leaving the children in the care of others.

This year, especially in our first full week of classes, I observed the school anew and found a new school. The school is new, in a large sense, because of plans laid in place years ago.

For instance, 11 years ago when we opened our Upper School campus, I can clearly remember thinking that it was great, but if someday we had a real library and a real music space, how wonderful that would be. Today our school is new – new library, new music space, art, learning center, conference room and more, and new wide lockers that help kids keep their things off the floor.

I remember when we discussed a few years back how wonderful it would be if we ever got the kids – particularly the boys – engaged in tefillot (daily prayer) and how wonderful it would be to have some pied pipers who might employ music to build ruach (spirit) with our adolescent/middle school kids. When I took around Barry Shrage, our local Federation executive, this week, we went from one room to another in which kids were singing in their tefillot hugim. Guitars were out as they learned and practiced melodies – some new, some traditional and some from summer camp. When we completed the tour, Barry said, “You guys got it – these kids are really into it.”

I can remember the conversations among administrators and Board members about new curricula in social studies, new textbooks in math and the use of technology in some non-technical subjects. Then this week, I attended the eighth-grade back-to-school night and all of this was now real.

I remember thinking what it would be like to have campus leaders to whom I could confidently turn over day-to-day program responsibilities; leaders who would have strong educational, administrative and even counseling credentials; leaders who could work with teachers and could be clear, consistent and visionary. Now we have them, and I sometimes feel as if I have to rub my eyes when I see them in front of groups of parents or teachers; they are so successful in their work and far more effective than I ever remember myself in that role.

All these and more remind me of an important truth about educational leadership. Good things take time, but if you’re blessed with a good team to work with you and a mission you can believe in, dreams really do come true.

The first real weekend is upon us, and it’s proper to savor these outcomes. Starting Monday morning, we open the next chapter(s): how to perfect what we’ve now put in place and plant the seeds that will start the next set of dreams, dreams that may be realized for children who aren’t old enough to attend Schechter yet. This work is for them.

What do you hope for your child’s development of math understanding and skills? What role will mathematics play in your child’s education and throughout his or her life? I expect there are a wide variety of responses, including: I don’t want my child to struggle with math like I did. We want our child to know her math facts. I want my child to be able to take Advanced Placement math classes in high school and score well on the SATs. I want my child to continue to enjoy math. I want my child to be able to use math to make good choices in life.

Our math curriculum at Schechter is designed to develop a student’s long-term relationship with mathematics. We have selected new math programs throughout the school. ThinkMath!, the program we’re using in kindergarten through fifth grade, addresses our goals for your children’s math education:

• develop strong mathematical thinkers and problem solvers who are empowered by their understanding of math
• foster understanding of math concepts and computational fluency
• encourage a love of mathematics
• develop the ability to recognize patterns and reason logically and spatially

When many of us think about math in elementary school and beyond, we recall addition and subtraction algorithms, multiplication tables and long division. We remember the rules for multiplying and dividing fractions. However, math is much more than numbers and the basic operations. Mathematics is a discipline, and like most disciplines, it includes a knowledge base with content such as numbers – including whole numbers, fractions and decimals – operations, geometry, probability and algebra. It also includes methods and processes that are unique to the discipline, such as logical proofs, justifying answers and problem solving. Additionally, the discipline of math includes symbols and systems for communicating mathematical ideas, which include equations, graphs, diagrams and, of course, written language. Mathematics is a complex discipline that offers both a knowledge base and a way of looking at the world, as well as a tool for navigating in the world.

Our society approaches reading and writing differently than mathematics. Most of us read books to our children daily. In our families and schools, we instill in our children a love of reading through compelling stories. So, what do we do in our families and schools to encourage a love of mathematics? Typically, with preschoolers and kindergarteners, we encourage the use of jigsaw puzzles, counting games and play with balances. The satisfaction on the face of a preschooler who has tackled and completed a challenging jigsaw puzzle is evident. Yet, it seems that beyond preschool age, puzzle playing and number play in our families fade.

How else can we encourage our children to love mathematics? Having basic fact fluency, but never tackling puzzles or challenging problems, is akin to having a large vocabulary but never actually having access to stories.

Some things we are doing at school:

• Tackling challenging problems and puzzles
• Playing games that require reasoning and skills in the classroom
• Posing problems that are open-ended and encourage different approaches
• Searching for patterns and making predictions based on the patterns we find
• Developing computational fluency

Things to do at home to encourage a love of mathematics:

ring puzzles and games into your family’s daily life. (The NY Times and Boston Globe are great sources for KenKen and Sudoku puzzles.)

• Involve your children in mathematical tasks at home, including cooking and shopping.
• Play games like checkers, chess, Othello, Clue, Mastermind and Mancala.
• Set up piggy banks and savings accounts for your child to experience the most basic way numbers touch our lives.

I invite you to share with me, your teachers and each other how you are encouraging a love of puzzles and mathematical thinking in your home. We will share with you how we are doing so at school. Just as the pleasure of story helps to motivate a child to learn to read (and continue to develop deeper reading skills), the pleasures of puzzle solving can serve to motivate and engage students to learn the skills needed to tackle more challenging problems and puzzles.

We are very excited about our new math program, Think Math!, which is being introduced in grades K-5 and is constructed to accomplish two main goals:

1.     Develop conceptual understanding of mathematics, both the content and processes of the discipline

2.     Develop computational fluency as a foundation of that understanding

Central to the approach in ThinkMath! is a focus on puzzles and challenging problems to both engage and instruct students. The puzzles are not cutesy “color in all the even numbers” puzzles, but demanding logical reasoning puzzles. You have probably seen some of these puzzles in your children’s early homework assignments. The developers of ThinkMath! also designed the curriculum and pedagogy to capitalize on children’s abilities to build knowledge. Finally, ThinkMath! provides ample opportunity for students to practice their growing skills in a variety of contexts and levels, keeping students engaged and building robust understanding.

At Schechter, we are interested in developing your children’s mastery of mathematical concepts and skills to serve your child over the marathon of education and, indeed, life. We want Schechter graduates to have the understanding, skills and confidence to tackle challenging problems, whether in a new math course in high school or college, when interpreting data from an article or lab experiment, or when making a decision about a mortgage application.

by Amy Sullivan, Math Specialist

It was my pleasure and privilege to welcome Dr. Mindy Pincus to a group of Lower School parents this morning. I introduced Mindy to them – just as I had to teachers before the start of school and as I will to our Board of Trustees at their first meeting later this week – as a gifted educator who brings a record of achievement as a school leader to Schechter. I also shared my sense, from her first few weeks at our school, that Mindy will make an extraordinary contribution to our families and teachers. Simply put, Mindy has an excellent sense of good teaching, of what works in classrooms and schools, and of how to – with tact and caring – move a school such as ours toward even greater excellence.

Prior to coming to Schechter, Dr. Pincus was head of school for the past seven years of Temple Beth Am Day School in Miami, FL, an early childhood through Grade 5 Jewish day school with 400 students. She holds a Ph.D. degree with honors in counseling psychology from the University of Miami School of Education, an Ed.M. degree in school counseling from Boston University’s School of Education and a B.A. degree in English literature from Swarthmore College. During her 25-year career in education, she has served as director of counseling at Ransom Everglades School, Coconut Grove, FL; assistant head of school and director of student services and academic affairs at Roland Park Country School, Baltimore, MD; and teacher and JV girls’ tennis coach at the Hackley School, Tarrytown, NY.

As I wrote to parents over the summer, Mindy is an outstanding leader who understands the opportunities and challenges of a Lower School. She has the experience, know-how and passion to help us continue our record of educational excellence and proceed to the next level of teacher growth and student learning. She has led improvements in curriculum and staff supervision, developed strategic plans and worked closely with parent associations. At Schechter, Mindy will be working most closely with Barbara Shea, associate head of school for program and instruction.

I’ve seen how Mindy has greeted children the first few days of school this year. Her smile, warmth and caring are evident. But it was her comment to parents this morning that struck me. Here was this eminently qualified and capable woman – a Ph.D., former school head, with about a billion things on her plate – and she made sure to talk to parents about the challenges of the first days of school for their youngsters. Mindy noted that this morning, after a very long holiday weekend, there were a few tears as children left their parents. She reminded parents that at Schechter, we’re sensitive to the children’s ups and downs, and that by taking the longer view, we know they’ll be okay. Mindy added to the group, “Please feel free to come to me with questions or concerns. I’m here to help, and my door is open.”

I feel we’ve been blessed with a wonderful leader for our Lower School. I look forward to working with her as a partner in moving us further to meet our sacred mission of educating these beautiful young souls.

We start this year with the promise of a bright new beginning, school being the place where we all get to begin anew each September. After weeks of preparation, teachers welcomed students who arrived with fresh notebooks, warm laughter and high hopes. Our faculty and staff returned refreshed and invigorated after a summer of reflection, reading and study. With a strong commitment to professional development, teachers participated in summer courses in the teaching of writing, science, math and Tanakh. They worked collaboratively to develop curriculum in social studies, language arts, tefillot and Hebrew. With much enthusiasm, we welcomed Dr. Mindy Pincus as the new leader of the Lower School, many new students, and an infusion of talented new teachers.

Our buildings sparkle as beacons of optimism, high expectations and strong community. The Upper School has been renovated to reflect our mission of academic excellence, and the excitement of our students and parents was palpable as they entered the building. Our new and enlarged library now includes a fully equipped computer lab and the best technology available. Every room has been repainted and re-carpeted, and new student lockers have been installed. At the Lower School, we are in the process of equipping the math technology lab, and on both campuses, monitors have been installed in the entry halls to showcase student activities and scheduled events.

What do we do with such promise, such hope, so many dreams of success? How do we articulate our vision to our students in ways they can understand and act upon? First, we talk with children explicitly about our expectations for their academic work and for their positive contribution to community. We will be meeting with all students in the opening days of school, talking with them directly about both our expectations and the ways they can count on us to support them.

This year, our focus will be on treating all members of our community with respect, underscoring the idea of B’tzelem elokim, we are all created in God’s image. In keeping with treating everyone with respect, our expectations around bullying and teasing have been made much more explicit, in terms of both defining and addressing bullying behavior.

Our goal for the new school year reflects the message of Rosh Hashanah: bringing our best selves to the New Year. We offer forgiveness, shed animosity and hurts, and resolve to treat one another in a respectful way. For adults, this means not rushing to judgment when things go wrong, but rather having patience and being open to looking at different points of view. For children, this means learning to live and work with all members of the Schechter community. Our community will grow stronger as we support one another: stronger in learning, stronger in friendship and stronger in spiritual growth.

L’Shanah Tovah u’Metukah

By Barbara Shea, Associate Head for Program and Instruction

Today has been just a glorious, glorious day. The sky is clear, the temperature has been perfect, and the warmth and excitement of the children and adults have been palpable all day long at Schechter.

We’ve had great opening assemblies in both the Lower and Upper Schools. Dr. Mindy Pincus, our new Lower School principal, did a wonderful job of introducing herself, and Rabbi Bardack and Cantor Gaston led a spirited and truly spiritual tefillot for our youngest children in the Shaller Campus MPR, with teachers huddled close to their students.

In the Upper School, Barbara Shea, associate head of school for program and instruction, did a remarkable rendition of that old Aretha Franklin song, Respect, to introduce this year’s theme on campus. She and Rabbi Scott Slarskey, after sounding the shofar, explained some of the ways we will live out that value in the school this year.

Walking around the school was thrilling. The Upper School sparkles. The new library is remarkable, as are the new music, computer, expanded art and conference room spaces. The kids are busy with new lockers installed last week. The most frequently commented-on improvement? Fiberglass backboards in the gym!

With all the excitement, two comments stand out for me today:

Barbara Shea told the Middle Division students (Grades 6-8) she was thrilled to be back because every school year has the promise of the new, and each child – indeed, every person in the room – has the opportunity to create a year that will be the best ever. Then she asked the students to raise their hands if they believed this was going to be their best year ever at the school. And, indeed, they all did.

That moment seemed to have a “still small moment” partner in the second grade earlier today. I dropped by Nancy Werner’s classroom and found her leaning over a desk where a boy seemed a bit anxious about some of the very first instructions and assignments of the school year. Mrs. Werner bent down to be at the boy’s level, and in her soft, tender way, told the boy, “Ohhh, I’ll help. I’m glad to help. That’s the thing I like to do most in the world – help children. And that’s what I’ll do for you. OK?” The boy looked up, met her eyes and said, a bit sheepishly, “Uh-huh, sure.”

And so, a new school year begins, with excitement, fanfare, renovation and renewal, and always at its core, the adults who like nothing better than helping children, who quickly become their partners in the ever-new process of growth and nurture.

I hope you will mark your calendars for two important upcoming events:

• a coffee reception to welcome Dr. Mindy Pincus on Monday, September 13 at 8 a.m.
• our Tours & Toasts program on Sunday, October 3, opent to the entire Schechter community.

Best wishes for a Shanah Tovah – sweet new year.

Over Passover break, one of the most prominent – and disturbing – news stories was about a series of “bullying” incidents at a Massachusetts high school that led to a suicide, criminal indictments against students at the school, and investigations, accusations and recriminations against school administration, faculty and parents alike. It is a chilling story for anyone who works with or cares for children. The South Hadley High School story is a horror story for all of us. In this column, I will discuss the implications of the incident and our position and program on the issue.

I placed the word bullying in quotation marks above because the term itself has morphed in its usage over the past few years. There has been a traditional image of a bully. Often this was a beefy, coarse young man who wasn’t afraid to openly physically intimidate and threaten others – usually smaller boys – to extort compensation and/or playground loyalty. While there certainly continue to be instances of this traditional bullying, a new term and challenge has come into view in recent years – relational aggression.

Relational aggression, also known as covert aggression or covert bullying, is a type of aggression in which harm is caused through damage to relationships or social status within a group, rather than through physical violence. Relational aggression is more common and more studied among girls than boys. The South Hadley incident, while having certain aspects of overt aggression, was launched as a stealth campaign, one in which the fingerprints of the perpetrators are hard to trace: an angry sidelong glance, posting on a social media website, bumping in the halls.

The fact that the new bullying is harder to detect makes it more difficult to confront and defuse. There is a good deal of literature on the topic, as well as a growing body of evidence and scholarship, and even a recently enacted (and first-in-the-nation) law of the Commonwealth. Here are a few links for more information:

(A site devoted to helping parents and teachers) -  http://www.teachersandfamilies.com/open/parent/ra2.cfm

(Massachusetts law) http://www.lawlib.state.ma.us/subject/about/bullying.html

(and from Ken Rigby, an expert in the field)  – http://www.kenrigby.net/

There are some important points for Schechter parents to know about our school, our children and our responsibilities. No one, no family, no community is immune to this problem. I wonder if the slow-in-the-uptake response in South Hadley (a lovely community) was the result of a “that couldn’t happen here” attitude.

We all love our children, but sometimes even the ones we had always considered “perfect children” do things that surprise and disappoint us. Adults are wise to be alert, to listen for comments and indicators, and to have the courage to ask questions, even if their children are dismissive. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard parents say, “Oh, my children would never do that!” Usually they are correct, but not always. If we recognize that just as kindness is human, so is cruelty, then we’ll recognize our children’s human capacity in this arena.

At Schechter, we are very aggressive about this stuff. Organized, formal programming was developed last year with the participation of every Lower School faculty member and led by Nancy Werner and Paula Rosen. Social adjustment groups in the Upper School are coordinated by Anita Redner and Rachel Katz. Open Circle techniques help children deal with issues in the classroom and out.  This Friday, for example, Barbara Shea will speak to the entire Middle School on the topic at one of our regular town meetings.

The school takes swift, deliberate disciplinary action in such matters – whether incidents take place during the school day or beyond it. Bullying is the opposite of derekh eretz, and we mobilize our program, professional development and disciplinary systems to help children grow in their menschlikeit. We continue to learn effective responses when these goals are not met.

Our school’s mission is the very antithesis of expressions of cruelty between children. The rules of derekh eretz are posted in every classroom. We speak of the love one Jew should feel for another. We talk about the social responsibility each of us has for everyone in the world. We foster community in our classes and in grade-level cohorts. We bring our classes back as alumni groupings. Of course we take pride in our math scores, but it is the decency between children that is the school’s signature goal.

Further, we have the support of a wonderful parent community who cares about these issues. Thus, the input through conversations and thoughtful letters from folks like Jeff Mittleman, Heather Zacker and Mark Rosenzweig, to name a few, are enormously valuable. It is through this partnered work to raise our children to be menschen that we have our greatest reasons for hope.

While we are saddened by the pain and suffering in the South Hadley community, perhaps we can draw a lesson from it: to remain vigilant, to redouble our efforts and to stay connected. We can pray that our efforts will support healthy relationships between our children.

Probably at no point in the school year is the partnership between Jewish homes and Jewish schools as evident as it is  around Passover. In part, that is due to the skill-and-content-building role schools assume. During the past days and weeks, the children (depending on their ages) have been learning how to recite the four questions, the elements of the seder, various Passover songs and how one readies a house for the holiday.

But the preparation for the Passover holiday goes far deeper than that; it is not localized to the sederim that will take place in homes around our community next week. The central idea and mitzvah of the seder is that each person would see himself/herself as personally liberated through his/her connection to God and to a sacred community k’eelu hu. That preparation starts from the moment a child walks through our doors.

I love the way Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, Chief Rabbi of Great Britain, put it in a speech a few months ago to the House of Lords. (I am indebted to a parent, Paul Greenberg, for sending it along.)

“If there is one insight above all others to be gained from Jewish history, it is that freedom depends on education. To defend a country you need an army, but to defend a civilization you need schools. Abraham was chosen, says the Bible, so that he would teach his children to practice righteousness and justice. Moses commanded, in what has become the most famous of our prayers, ‘You shall teach these things diligently to your children.’

“In ancient times the Egyptians built pyramids, the Greeks built temples, the Romans built amphitheatres. Jews built schools. And because of that, alone among ancient civilizations, Judaism survived. I wonder whether even now we value teachers sufficiently highly, for they are the guardians of our liberty. Schools teach us theories and facts. They help us answer the question, what do I know? Schools teach us skills. They help us answer the question, what can I do?

“But they also teach us the story of our nation, what freedom is and how it was fought for, and what battles those who came before us had to fight. They help us to answer the questions: who am I, of what story or stories I am a part, and, how then shall I live? They teach us about keeping faith with the past while honouring our obligations to the future. At best, they teach us collective responsibility for the common good.”

Next Monday night, each of us as adults has an opportunity and, indeed, a responsibility to attend to that sacred task of continuing the sacred chain, passing our story and our tradition down from generation to generation. I like to think that within each of our homes, the fate of the Jewish people rests. And it is through the efforts of places like our school that we help our families meet the challenge and flourish.

Best wishes for a Hag Pesach kasher v’sameach.